In the last 2 weeks, I have put forth a lot of thinking... a lot of soul searching.... a lot of energy toward becoming the person I want to be. Have I been practicing guitar and Japanese like I want to? No. Have I been working out every day? No.

But I have been thinking and acting the way that I want. I got a date last week with a girl named Jessica. We went out to dinner last Friday. I wasn't very nervous, I didn't stutter or stumble through sentances, and I didn't act like a fool. I was calm, confident, and was able to make conversation very easily. I possessed the confidence that I have been lacking for so long. All week it had been snowballing inside me. I did some Tony Robbins the day after asking out Jessica. I wrote down some large goals for myself. The following day, I took steps to reach those goals. I called the company I own stock in, and had them send me information on how to sell my stock. I called up a realtor to get information on buying a house- one that I could fix up and then sell quickly to make some extra money. At her suggestion, I called a mortgage banker for financial advice. I met with the banker and discovered how much money I would need for the house.
I put forth some serious effort in reading about becoming a personal consultant to make some $$ fixing computers on the side. I felt good - it began to snowball toward the date on Thursday.

I picked her up, and from there, found that we had tons in common - both drove 2003 jettas with manual transmissions, both liked to rollerblade, both like the same kind of music and movies, both tried to teach ourselves guitar, both from a relatively small town in Michigan, both played a woodwind instrument in band in middle school, both didn't fit into the cliques in school, both played a sport in high school... its awesome. And she's got a great smile. We went putt-putt golfing (she likes to golf), and then I took her home. I walked her to her door and told her I had a good time. Instead of making things awkward, I gave her a good hug, and then told her goodnight. I asked her if I could call her again, and she said yes. Instead of calling her to ask her for a second date, I visited her at work and asked in person. I think she liked that. We were going to go out last night, but she got sick and asked if we could go out Saturday instead. Instead of chilling at home, I went and bought her some chicken soup and brought it to her. Instead of making things uncomfortable by me kind of lingering, waiting to see if she wanted to hang out- I was very deliberate - I excused myself so that she could get some rest.

The difference between me now and a month ago, is that I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to go for it. I'm not afraid to make phonecalls to whoever. I'm not afraid to try something new or different. I take a quick look at what I want, and how I intend to get it. I tell myself that the choices I'm making shouldn't be half-assed. I should be short, sweet, and to the point. Let people know what I want from them. Be confident about it. Its working great.

Friday night, Rodger invited me out with some of his friends. I decided to go, and all his friends liked me. I met a law student, a financial consultant, and a network engineer. The financial consultant offered me free advice, the law student: free advice for the business I want to start, and the network consultant: to try to get me a job where he works. His boss liked my resume and the recommendation from this guy, and is set to call me back this week to talk to me about working with them.

Saturday, I sold my G4 for $300 - someone came and picked it up, so I saved some big bucks on shipping.

Sunday, I went to Cedar Point and had an amazing time.

This week, I am going at it- making decisions and not re-thinking them. I am happy, confident, doing 1000% better than a month or so ago. Things have never been better.

I'm awesome!!!!!

Do it! Do it!!! DO IT!!!! If you want it: JUST F*ING DO IT! There is nothing - NOTHING - holding you back. DO IT!!!!!! I can't emphasize how much just doing what you want to do means. Stop thinking about doing it and do it. Stop talking about how you should do this or should do that, or you want to do that. Decide what you want, figure out how to do it, and then DO IT!!!!!