I wish that this week was more like last week.
Last week was terrific - I had energy, I worked out every day, I listened to Robbins every day. Last Friday I decided to put things into action - I put my computer up on ebay. I went to Borders to buy some books on starting a business, and had all intentions of looking for a girl to ask out. I figure - if you're my age and at a bookstore on a Friday night, you are single. Well, I didn't find anyone that I wanted to ask out, but I didn't feel nervous, and I even smiled at 2 girls and got smiles back. There were 2 girls there that I was interested in, but one was on the phone for 20 mintues, and the other was really busy talking to a friend. I waited around for a few minutes, hoping to find an in - but they were having a serious talk, and I couldn't get in. No problem. I felt good. I bought 4 books- 2 on starting a business / being an independant consultant, and 2 on learning Japanese. Konichiwa, Bitch! ;)
So I figured - wow - this is going great!
And then I'm not sure what happened. All the wind behind my sails died down. This week I went through a lull. My G4 didn't sell. It fell short of my reserve ($350) by $20. I couldn't get motivated to work out more than twice this week, and they were both lousy workouts. I didn't listen to any Tony Robbins this week. I usually listen to him right after work while I exercise. No exercise, no Robbins. I have been listening to a lot of songs that drag me backwards - songs that I love, but that make me feel hopeless - Sarah McLachlan and My immortal by Evanescence. Not very inspirational music. I'm thinking I need to stay away from that music for a while, and create a new playlist on my iPod with just upbeat stuff.
A note about last weekend - my sister called at about quarter to 2 in the morning Saturday night. We talked for a while, and I could tell she was frustrated with school. I went to Borders, bought some books, burned her a copy of Tony Robbins, and visted her at school. We talked, spent the day together, I took her out to dinner - I had a good time. I talked to our parents about easing up and not putting so much pressure on her... did the stuff I should have been doing for the last few years as her big brother. She thanked me in an email, and added an ego boost, saying that some of her friends thought I was hot ... that made me more confident for a short time - but for some reason didn't last.
On tuesday evening, I went shopping, and made some conversation with 2 women - about 26-30 years old, we talked about yogurt, which led to talking about health, which led to them feeling my biceps and stomach. That was an ego boost, but it didn't last.
Yesterday in my PC security class, our class ended early, with 2 hours to work on a lab. I pretty much took over at my table and did it in 25 minutes. (Like DNS is hard!) Then I spent an hour teaching my tablemates about subnetting, explaining how to break up a network address into subnets given a number of hosts or desired networks. That was an ego boost - it made me feel great... but it didn't last.
I don't know what is going on with me this week. I drift back to feelings about not being able to ask a girl out - that I don't know how to start conversations... I start forgetting what Tony Robbins said- about even Hall of Fame baseball players failing 70% of the time. I forget that I need to fail over and over and over. I start concentrating on how 1 failure will crush me. On how I am so afraid of taking a chance and just talking to a girl - on how I will blush, forget what I want to say, have it come out awkward, and how the girl won't want to talk to me. I can visualize my failure soooo well. But I can't for the life of me envision what a success would be like. I asked out 2 girls this year - neither of them strangers. (Ali and Clare). Clare was easy to ask out - she was safe. She was a friend. Asking Ali was very nerve-racking - but I wouldn't have done it if Calli hadn't told me that Ali was interested in me.
So today I took a nap, hoping to rid myself of these thoughts - hoping to wake up in a good mood. It didn't quite happen, but I'm doing much better now. I'm going to make a list of things I want to accomplish this weekend. One of those things will be to ask a girl out. Right now, I need to listen to some Tony Robbins. I'm not quite done with Personal Power.
By the way, the chants that I use: "All the Confidence I need is in me now", and "Every day and every way, I'm feeling more confident and confident." I try to do it at least for the 5 minutes each morning on the way to work, and then after work during my exercise warmup.
Stay positive Josh. Stay positive! I'm glad to see that you're exercising. Try to do a little more each time you do it. How about this for girls - don't talk to girls for a week. Instead - just focus on making eye contact and smiling. Making eye contact and smiling is easy. You don't have to approach, you don't have to talk - you just look, and then smile - the same smile you would use to say hello - to say - "I'm friendly". Do that for a bit. Build the confidence. Then focus on the next step. I'm doing the same thing - I've been looking and smiling for a few weeks. Last week I wanted to do more but couldn't find anyone. This weekend, I want to do more. This weekend I want to make conversation.
Last week was terrific - I had energy, I worked out every day, I listened to Robbins every day. Last Friday I decided to put things into action - I put my computer up on ebay. I went to Borders to buy some books on starting a business, and had all intentions of looking for a girl to ask out. I figure - if you're my age and at a bookstore on a Friday night, you are single. Well, I didn't find anyone that I wanted to ask out, but I didn't feel nervous, and I even smiled at 2 girls and got smiles back. There were 2 girls there that I was interested in, but one was on the phone for 20 mintues, and the other was really busy talking to a friend. I waited around for a few minutes, hoping to find an in - but they were having a serious talk, and I couldn't get in. No problem. I felt good. I bought 4 books- 2 on starting a business / being an independant consultant, and 2 on learning Japanese. Konichiwa, Bitch! ;)
So I figured - wow - this is going great!
And then I'm not sure what happened. All the wind behind my sails died down. This week I went through a lull. My G4 didn't sell. It fell short of my reserve ($350) by $20. I couldn't get motivated to work out more than twice this week, and they were both lousy workouts. I didn't listen to any Tony Robbins this week. I usually listen to him right after work while I exercise. No exercise, no Robbins. I have been listening to a lot of songs that drag me backwards - songs that I love, but that make me feel hopeless - Sarah McLachlan and My immortal by Evanescence. Not very inspirational music. I'm thinking I need to stay away from that music for a while, and create a new playlist on my iPod with just upbeat stuff.
A note about last weekend - my sister called at about quarter to 2 in the morning Saturday night. We talked for a while, and I could tell she was frustrated with school. I went to Borders, bought some books, burned her a copy of Tony Robbins, and visted her at school. We talked, spent the day together, I took her out to dinner - I had a good time. I talked to our parents about easing up and not putting so much pressure on her... did the stuff I should have been doing for the last few years as her big brother. She thanked me in an email, and added an ego boost, saying that some of her friends thought I was hot ... that made me more confident for a short time - but for some reason didn't last.
On tuesday evening, I went shopping, and made some conversation with 2 women - about 26-30 years old, we talked about yogurt, which led to talking about health, which led to them feeling my biceps and stomach. That was an ego boost, but it didn't last.
Yesterday in my PC security class, our class ended early, with 2 hours to work on a lab. I pretty much took over at my table and did it in 25 minutes. (Like DNS is hard!) Then I spent an hour teaching my tablemates about subnetting, explaining how to break up a network address into subnets given a number of hosts or desired networks. That was an ego boost - it made me feel great... but it didn't last.
I don't know what is going on with me this week. I drift back to feelings about not being able to ask a girl out - that I don't know how to start conversations... I start forgetting what Tony Robbins said- about even Hall of Fame baseball players failing 70% of the time. I forget that I need to fail over and over and over. I start concentrating on how 1 failure will crush me. On how I am so afraid of taking a chance and just talking to a girl - on how I will blush, forget what I want to say, have it come out awkward, and how the girl won't want to talk to me. I can visualize my failure soooo well. But I can't for the life of me envision what a success would be like. I asked out 2 girls this year - neither of them strangers. (Ali and Clare). Clare was easy to ask out - she was safe. She was a friend. Asking Ali was very nerve-racking - but I wouldn't have done it if Calli hadn't told me that Ali was interested in me.
So today I took a nap, hoping to rid myself of these thoughts - hoping to wake up in a good mood. It didn't quite happen, but I'm doing much better now. I'm going to make a list of things I want to accomplish this weekend. One of those things will be to ask a girl out. Right now, I need to listen to some Tony Robbins. I'm not quite done with Personal Power.
By the way, the chants that I use: "All the Confidence I need is in me now", and "Every day and every way, I'm feeling more confident and confident." I try to do it at least for the 5 minutes each morning on the way to work, and then after work during my exercise warmup.
Stay positive Josh. Stay positive! I'm glad to see that you're exercising. Try to do a little more each time you do it. How about this for girls - don't talk to girls for a week. Instead - just focus on making eye contact and smiling. Making eye contact and smiling is easy. You don't have to approach, you don't have to talk - you just look, and then smile - the same smile you would use to say hello - to say - "I'm friendly". Do that for a bit. Build the confidence. Then focus on the next step. I'm doing the same thing - I've been looking and smiling for a few weeks. Last week I wanted to do more but couldn't find anyone. This weekend, I want to do more. This weekend I want to make conversation.
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