Do you want the short version or the long version?
I've been gone for about a month, yes.... this is true.
Let me recap.... uhhhh.... lots of gymnastics stuff, blah blah blah, went to Portland Oregon for the Gymnastics National Championships, had a great time.... blah blah blah - here are some pictures:
Here I am in Corvallis- I guess they had some student elections with a cool way to attract attention.
And here is some lighthouse on the pacific ocean.
Anyways, that was fun and all. But whats really on my mind are viruses. For about the last 6 weeks, I've either had a cold sore, cracked/bleeding lips, a cold, or have been on vacation. I've had the worst freaking luck at being able to kiss my girlfriend!!! I mean for 6 weeks I had all that going on! I'm almost done with my latest cold (I hope).
Ok, no... whats really on my mind? Think... think.... ah yes- this past weekend. This past weekend, I rented a car and Jessica and I drove up to Alpena to meet her dad. Her dad was cool- really nice guy, and Jessica is ready to build a relationship with him- its the first time that she's stayed at his place since like... 6 years ago, when he was married to her mom. Its all messy and complicated, but blah blah blah, she's trying to build a relationship with him, and this past weekend was a big step.
Why is that on my mind? Well... its the first time I've been up to Alpena with Jessica, and only the 2nd time in the last year or so that she's been home.... so we decided to stop by her mom's place. Jessica and I finalized our plans with her dad last monday, and on Friday when her mom called to talk, Jessica let her know that she and I were going up, and then wanted to know if we could stop by. Jessica's mom wasn't happy about it, and didn't give off a very happy vibe. So when we went over on Saturday, we were greeted by her mom demanding an apology from me as Jessica and I were taking off our shoes at the front door. You see, the last time she and I spoke, it was 6 months ago, and she had just found out that I was sleeping with Jessica. She called me lazy because I didn't have a car for 2 months, I took offense to it, and instead of getting into an argument, I told her politely: "Cathy- I'm hanging up the phone before I say something that I regret." Fast forward back to Saturday and her demand for an apology. I thought for a brief moment about it (very, very brief), and decided that it wasn't worth making a big deal over. So I apologized and told her no hard feelings. Then the fun began.
Jess's mom then started tearing into Jess, saying that we never came up and visited her, that she's very hurt by this, upset, and that now we're staying with her dad, and her dad's girlfriend was there that week, and that Jessica was trying to hide this visit, and that Jessica is lying to her, and playing games, and wondering how long we had been planning this trip, blah blah blah.... it got very uncomfortable for me to be there... but Jessica just kept saying - "look, yes, Dad cheated on you, it was a terrible thing to do, but it was 6 years ago, and I'm over it. I'm letting it go." Her mom was having no part of that, and kept playing guilt trip after guilt trip. Meanwhile, Jessica getting more and more frustrated, but keeping it cool in front of her mom, and me, standing there as uncomfortable as I've ever been... maybe in my whole life. This conversation was none of my business- I didn't have any part of it, and had no place speaking or maybe even listening to it. It was family business.
So anyways, they do this for about 5-10 minutes, Jessica sees that this conversation is going nowhere, and says "alright. We'll go then." And we turned around with her mom on our heels. We got to the door, put our shoes on, and didn't even tie the laces. Her mom was inches behind us, basically closing the door behind us. So that SUCKED.
What did I learn? Well, first off, I've decided that I'm not going to put up from undeserved rudeness from Jessica's mom. Its not that I'm going to make a big deal of it, but I will kindly excuse myself or call her on it and tell her that I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I'm nobody's doormat. I'm also not going to give undeserved apologies any more. She got a freebie and she blew it. If she wants one next time I see her, we're going to have words. I've also learned a lot about Jessica's mom. She cares a lot about Jessica, but she's extremely selfish. She isn't thinking about Jessica's peace of mind, she's thinking about her own. She thinks that everyone has to be on her side with this divorce, and that Jessica shouldn't be having a relationship with her "evil" father. She thinks that Jessica's life should revolve around her. I've also learned that she keeps mental lists of every bad thing you ever did (in her eyes), and throws them at you whenever you're in an argument with her. So I've got that to look forward to. :)
Oh, and before I forget, let's go back for a moment and address her mom's complaint that we never come up and visit her. So, first off, Jessica and I started dating in October of 2004. Lets pretend that you shouldn't take anyone home to stay overnight at your mom's house for at least the first 6 months of dating (I didn't have Jess stay overnight at my parents' house until this past Christmas). That takes us to May of 2005. We then have basically last summer to come up, except that I crashed my car in July... so from July through Sept, I had no car, and thus taking Jessica's car would mean that her sister wouldn't have a car to use- unless I rented a car - but I wasn't 25, so it would have cost me around $100. Then in September, school was starting, and in October, Jessica's mom got pissed that we were sleeping together, so you need at least a month or two to cool off there... then there were the holidays, where her mom was gone with the sisters, and then there was gymnastics season, where I was busy almost every weekend with meets and TV shows, and that lasted until last week. So basically, there was May/June of 2005 that we could have gone up without. And thats being generous and saying that after exactly 6 months of dating, you can bring your significant other to sleep over at your parents' house.
And that leaves me to my question of the day (a new segment in my blog):
At what point in a relationship is it ok to take your significant other to sleep over at your parents' home? Is there a time frame? An action or a specific event that you can name? Can anyone speak to experience? Bonus points: Anyone have any problems with inlaws or potential inlaws?
I've been gone for about a month, yes.... this is true.
Let me recap.... uhhhh.... lots of gymnastics stuff, blah blah blah, went to Portland Oregon for the Gymnastics National Championships, had a great time.... blah blah blah - here are some pictures:
Here I am in Corvallis- I guess they had some student elections with a cool way to attract attention.
And here is some lighthouse on the pacific ocean.
Anyways, that was fun and all. But whats really on my mind are viruses. For about the last 6 weeks, I've either had a cold sore, cracked/bleeding lips, a cold, or have been on vacation. I've had the worst freaking luck at being able to kiss my girlfriend!!! I mean for 6 weeks I had all that going on! I'm almost done with my latest cold (I hope).
Ok, no... whats really on my mind? Think... think.... ah yes- this past weekend. This past weekend, I rented a car and Jessica and I drove up to Alpena to meet her dad. Her dad was cool- really nice guy, and Jessica is ready to build a relationship with him- its the first time that she's stayed at his place since like... 6 years ago, when he was married to her mom. Its all messy and complicated, but blah blah blah, she's trying to build a relationship with him, and this past weekend was a big step.
Why is that on my mind? Well... its the first time I've been up to Alpena with Jessica, and only the 2nd time in the last year or so that she's been home.... so we decided to stop by her mom's place. Jessica and I finalized our plans with her dad last monday, and on Friday when her mom called to talk, Jessica let her know that she and I were going up, and then wanted to know if we could stop by. Jessica's mom wasn't happy about it, and didn't give off a very happy vibe. So when we went over on Saturday, we were greeted by her mom demanding an apology from me as Jessica and I were taking off our shoes at the front door. You see, the last time she and I spoke, it was 6 months ago, and she had just found out that I was sleeping with Jessica. She called me lazy because I didn't have a car for 2 months, I took offense to it, and instead of getting into an argument, I told her politely: "Cathy- I'm hanging up the phone before I say something that I regret." Fast forward back to Saturday and her demand for an apology. I thought for a brief moment about it (very, very brief), and decided that it wasn't worth making a big deal over. So I apologized and told her no hard feelings. Then the fun began.
Jess's mom then started tearing into Jess, saying that we never came up and visited her, that she's very hurt by this, upset, and that now we're staying with her dad, and her dad's girlfriend was there that week, and that Jessica was trying to hide this visit, and that Jessica is lying to her, and playing games, and wondering how long we had been planning this trip, blah blah blah.... it got very uncomfortable for me to be there... but Jessica just kept saying - "look, yes, Dad cheated on you, it was a terrible thing to do, but it was 6 years ago, and I'm over it. I'm letting it go." Her mom was having no part of that, and kept playing guilt trip after guilt trip. Meanwhile, Jessica getting more and more frustrated, but keeping it cool in front of her mom, and me, standing there as uncomfortable as I've ever been... maybe in my whole life. This conversation was none of my business- I didn't have any part of it, and had no place speaking or maybe even listening to it. It was family business.
So anyways, they do this for about 5-10 minutes, Jessica sees that this conversation is going nowhere, and says "alright. We'll go then." And we turned around with her mom on our heels. We got to the door, put our shoes on, and didn't even tie the laces. Her mom was inches behind us, basically closing the door behind us. So that SUCKED.
What did I learn? Well, first off, I've decided that I'm not going to put up from undeserved rudeness from Jessica's mom. Its not that I'm going to make a big deal of it, but I will kindly excuse myself or call her on it and tell her that I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I'm nobody's doormat. I'm also not going to give undeserved apologies any more. She got a freebie and she blew it. If she wants one next time I see her, we're going to have words. I've also learned a lot about Jessica's mom. She cares a lot about Jessica, but she's extremely selfish. She isn't thinking about Jessica's peace of mind, she's thinking about her own. She thinks that everyone has to be on her side with this divorce, and that Jessica shouldn't be having a relationship with her "evil" father. She thinks that Jessica's life should revolve around her. I've also learned that she keeps mental lists of every bad thing you ever did (in her eyes), and throws them at you whenever you're in an argument with her. So I've got that to look forward to. :)
Oh, and before I forget, let's go back for a moment and address her mom's complaint that we never come up and visit her. So, first off, Jessica and I started dating in October of 2004. Lets pretend that you shouldn't take anyone home to stay overnight at your mom's house for at least the first 6 months of dating (I didn't have Jess stay overnight at my parents' house until this past Christmas). That takes us to May of 2005. We then have basically last summer to come up, except that I crashed my car in July... so from July through Sept, I had no car, and thus taking Jessica's car would mean that her sister wouldn't have a car to use- unless I rented a car - but I wasn't 25, so it would have cost me around $100. Then in September, school was starting, and in October, Jessica's mom got pissed that we were sleeping together, so you need at least a month or two to cool off there... then there were the holidays, where her mom was gone with the sisters, and then there was gymnastics season, where I was busy almost every weekend with meets and TV shows, and that lasted until last week. So basically, there was May/June of 2005 that we could have gone up without. And thats being generous and saying that after exactly 6 months of dating, you can bring your significant other to sleep over at your parents' house.
And that leaves me to my question of the day (a new segment in my blog):
At what point in a relationship is it ok to take your significant other to sleep over at your parents' home? Is there a time frame? An action or a specific event that you can name? Can anyone speak to experience? Bonus points: Anyone have any problems with inlaws or potential inlaws?
2 Comments:
At 2:14 PM,
Sunshine said…
do i have problems with my crazy inlaws? what are you talking about? ;p everyone is different, so i think on the when to take SO home to sleep over is a different time for everyone - i think that they definitely need to have met a few times before and that you see your parents and the SO have a comfortable relationship starting before you suggest it. Plus, just be honest - ask your parents what they think; you're an adult and so are they, so you should be able to have a conversation about this...well, it might be a little uncomfortable ;) RE: Jessica's mom - distance is best & let Jessica deal with it; be polite until it's necessary to be firm about not being stepped on. You're cool, she's cool, everyone's cool - and if necessary, just repeat what you did this weekend - leave :)
At 5:13 PM,
Kathleen said…
The first time Husband slept over at my parents was up north at their cottage, 5 months after we started dating. He had to sleep in the bunk room with my brothers, while I slept in another room. We weren't allowed to sleep in the same room until we were married. This is mostly because I have a young younger brother, and my parents don't want him getting the wrong idea about girls.
I've never had to sleep over at Husband's parents' house (except once when I was too drunk to drive yet, and I napped on the couch for a bit), but the closest we came was when I rode to UMass with them after we'd been dating a year. They were staying at a hotel, and I was staying with Husband... we told them that he was "sleeping in his bed" and I was "sleeping on the futon". Clearly, only one of those statements was true.
But, mind you, Husband and I both have rather conservative/old fashioned parents.
As far as in-law problems go, I don't really have any, although there was a short period of time where Husband's mother thought I was a "bad religious influence" leading her son away from being a "good" Catholic. Which, technically, is true. That's been well patched over, though; we just don't talk about religion, ever, anymore. ;)
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